once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
