He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
