What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
