no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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