She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
