You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
