im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
