I puked a lego.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
