To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
