dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
