Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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