if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
