508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm too high and old for this...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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