Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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