I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
