what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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