I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
