I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
