my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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