Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
