I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
