I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
