Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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