I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
