The maid of honor just puked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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