Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize