What a fucking waste of an outfit
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
