she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Actions speak louder than pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
