can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
