So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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