Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
