He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
