I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
