so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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