is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
