Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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