yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
