Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
