Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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