And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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