i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
