I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
