So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
