M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
