I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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