In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
