i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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