If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
