I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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