After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
