help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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