end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
