Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Panties = found
Randomize
