His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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