I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
