you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
