my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
