You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
