I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
