Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
