my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
