Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
