You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
