I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize