Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
