The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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