lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
