You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
