I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize