someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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