so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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