I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
