At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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