corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
