id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
