She said her name was "party"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
