turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
