Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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