All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
