____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
