I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize