So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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