oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
