Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
