if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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