believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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