i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
