Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
