oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
