the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
