Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
